Women can fake an orgasm…
…men can fake an entire relationship. Well, I would like to add my own point of view to that saying. But before I go any further, I advice people who are younger then 18 years to not read any further. Not because I use bad language or this article is offensive, but because I don’t want to get in trouble with parents who’s kids read the following lines and start asking them questions.
So – really over 18? Please proceed!
Recently I had a very funny and interesting conversations with a friend, an avid female cosmopolitan reader, about a very delicious topic. Faking an orgasm. She was kind of proud of herself because she could fake “it” very well and that no boyfriend ever noticed the difference. She even mentioned that Cosmo and other magazines were a good source on how to learn tricks for faking it...
First of all, a woman who fakes an orgasm because she is afraid of his reaction if she does not get of like Meg Ryan in “Harry and Sally”, should rethink her relationship. Honestly, if a men expects the big O every time, the woman should give him a wake up call. Humans are not machines, and therefore, can’t deliver the same result every time . If the woman thinks he could do better, she should have a word with him on how to improve, instead of complaining to her girlfriends the next day. But if a woman does not feel pressure to fake it, and just wants to make him feel good and if men can’t tell the difference anyway, what is all the fuzz about? Ok - maybe Cosmo(politan) would only be a 80 page magazine instead of 160…
But the discussion with my friend did not end there. If a men does get off, he must have had a good time - hence that she must have done a good job. My friend thinks so - and I guess many women have the same conclusion. Maybe there are women out there that even look at faking the big O as an advantage over men. I admit that men can not fake the biological reaction (at least no one I know) but men are capable of faking emotions just like women. Usually, a generally euphoric sensation is associated with orgasm. So while a men actually might have a biological reaction, it can still mean that he is faking the emotional part - for various reasons. (For example – to make her think that she has done a good job). And yes, women do not “feel” the difference between an “emotional orgasm" and the “just” biological reaction of stimulation.
So to all those Cosmo-editors out there, if a woman screams and jumps around in bed, I always think that she might be acting, thanks for that! But you know what, men fake just as good. And there is no way you can prove me wrong.
So – really over 18? Please proceed!
Recently I had a very funny and interesting conversations with a friend, an avid female cosmopolitan reader, about a very delicious topic. Faking an orgasm. She was kind of proud of herself because she could fake “it” very well and that no boyfriend ever noticed the difference. She even mentioned that Cosmo and other magazines were a good source on how to learn tricks for faking it...
First of all, a woman who fakes an orgasm because she is afraid of his reaction if she does not get of like Meg Ryan in “Harry and Sally”, should rethink her relationship. Honestly, if a men expects the big O every time, the woman should give him a wake up call. Humans are not machines, and therefore, can’t deliver the same result every time . If the woman thinks he could do better, she should have a word with him on how to improve, instead of complaining to her girlfriends the next day. But if a woman does not feel pressure to fake it, and just wants to make him feel good and if men can’t tell the difference anyway, what is all the fuzz about? Ok - maybe Cosmo(politan) would only be a 80 page magazine instead of 160…
But the discussion with my friend did not end there. If a men does get off, he must have had a good time - hence that she must have done a good job. My friend thinks so - and I guess many women have the same conclusion. Maybe there are women out there that even look at faking the big O as an advantage over men. I admit that men can not fake the biological reaction (at least no one I know) but men are capable of faking emotions just like women. Usually, a generally euphoric sensation is associated with orgasm. So while a men actually might have a biological reaction, it can still mean that he is faking the emotional part - for various reasons. (For example – to make her think that she has done a good job). And yes, women do not “feel” the difference between an “emotional orgasm" and the “just” biological reaction of stimulation.
So to all those Cosmo-editors out there, if a woman screams and jumps around in bed, I always think that she might be acting, thanks for that! But you know what, men fake just as good. And there is no way you can prove me wrong.
posted by giovanniaureel at 4/18/2005
2 Comments:
You guys think girls faking orgasms is bad?! I've been having sex with my girlfriend for 6 months and she's never had an orgasm with me! I thought it was just her getting 'warmed up' until recently she told me she had up to TEN a day by her self! You can imagine how pissed off I am. Some pointers would be nice ladies.
Hi. I simply checked your blog because I was looking for pictures of honey bees to make a calling card for my gardening buisness, and then I come accross this cosmo inspired orgasm faking stuff. Uggh! It seems to me that this simply shows how long it takes old power up power down games to end. Women have often been physically dependent on whatever man "owned" her and faking an orgasm might be a real good way to "buy" a little reprieve from the warrior who conquered her land and rightfully claimed her as a bride.
OK, maybe I am stretching it, and I don't want to be accused of blaming, that is not what this comment is about. It is more about how difficult it is for all of us to change our own deep rooted patterns of survival, whether or not they really help us any longer. Our souls need truth and yet we continue to lie because we are afraid...of what? Loosing our "one chance" at "love"? Our fancy apartment? It is different for everybody, but learning to become more subtle in our communication, looking into eyes noticing the dialation of pupils, or not feeling the changes in body heat, and excretions, and for a man, changes in heat and hardness as well, tasting the subtle differences in saliva, the sweetness of the breath as arousal hormones kick in, can all help a man and a woman to know the truth of one another. The language is available, but simply not studied (kind of like German?)
My experience with these subtle signs has helped me a good deal in honestly assessing the men I find myself intimate with as well as my own level of honesty (and dishonesty). Performance anxiety must die for true connection live. If there is performance anxiety it must at least take a back seat to the wish for discovering oneself and the other. And yes, I find men just as guilty of pushing past their own truth, for example, if they are not quite hard enough then they may try to hurry things along to keep from going soft...tsk tsk tsk. What about finding out where the connections, the truths are fuzzy? STAY IN BED if you go soft. touch, talk, gaze into one anothers eyes, match breath, massage, feed each other cumquats and honey, what ever it takes to reveal one another. If there is something to be shared, the return of the penetrating warrior will be better than it was before, and the reception will be a lot more lush as well.
I hope this wasn't too preachy. I too am struggling to find honest passion in my own life. I Do Not read cosmopolitan (except in the check out line or at the dentist office sometimes), Rarely if ever watch tv, which is designed to deaden connection with self and the smaller community in my opinion, and I actually don't have my own computer right now, I simply use the library or a friends. I am as careful with what I put into my mind as I am with the foods I eat, that it be nourishing, not numbing. In other words, I spend time with myself, learning my own response to life and not giving very much credit to what "should' be my response. All of these little things help, though I know this is a lifetimes work, and exploration what other work is so worth it?
I hope to inspire your faith in human potential. Help your girlfriends open their trust by being open and trustworthy with your own vulnerability, help your boyfriends develope sensitive responses by giving your honest response. Develope healthy appreciation of your own gender (and therefor yourself) No blame, only curiostiy (with an inward smile). Let yourself be children in this way, on the playround of sexuality. I am here doing my part, sometimes stumbling. Going futher sexually, than I felt ready for because " I started it so I better finish", or I am lonly and anything seems better than nothing (which is rarely true) or just trying to hurry things along so I can go to sleep or get away from an uncomfortable situation where I feel I can't communicate and be understood. These things happen less and less, if at all any more, and on ever more subtle layers. Soon to be not at all I think, as my tolerance for any lie is diminishing rapidly.
It is sunny outside, rare treat in Portland Oregon, so Outside to pick some good honest berries I go.
Good luck to all of us!
P.S. dont be pissed, be curiouse, or at least let pissed take the back seat to curiouse if you can't let it go entirely.
love and all that is worth while,
Devra
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